CONNECTION AND AUTISM: A WINNING COMBINATION!
What could possibly be a world-class definition of the word, or perhaps, the feeling of CONNECTION?
For Angad, it was stroking his teacher’s hair gently, having a laugh and then pretending to play with his guitar toy to sing songs. This was not it! One cannot miss the sight when he clenches his body out of sheer in response to his teacher’s praise for singing well.
Rohan, my 6-year-old spoilt brat, has a vague understanding of the world and often loves to retrieve to own shell of imagination. As for him, connection meant pursuing a specific activity of his interest with the fellow teacher around. Lately, repetitively drawing, colouring and talking about his butterflies have been fundamental to his happiness and well-being.
Well, welcome to my world!!
Would you like to look at ROHAN’s STORY with a magnifying glass?
Our initial interactions during the therapy sessions were challenging. He just wouldn’t respond. It was baffling for him to interact with his surroundings. As mentioned, he had a vague sense of the world and he would often retrieve to his shell of imagination, perhaps thoughts. He would spend more time gazing outside the window at the wonders of nature — the sky, birds, sunset and stray cats.
“Wow, we are so alike, I feel you, in a world that seems increasingly chaotic, we are all striving for peace”, I said to myself.
Rendering help and teaching someone who has limited or no awareness can be tough, but not impossible. ACCEPTANCE and PATIENCE are the gateways and the first few steps towards building a connection. Accepting them as they are, in fact, going beyond and celebrating them as they are, and their neurotype has to be one of the radical moves from your end, as well as mine. We only exacerbate the problem when we do not include, understand, and accept it.
In the first few weeks, my presence was threatening to him, as if something was not right in the environment.
Unable to express how uncomfortable and anxious he felt in the presence of someone new, he lashed out and reached out to hit me. I would often gently grab his arms, and calmly but firmly mention to him “I see that you are angry, but this is not acceptable”. I cared, but I also knew how to put healthy limits. He loved numbers. To calm him down, I asked him to count from 1 to 10.
Did I expect him to change or possibly cool down overnight?
NO!
The next step to managing your EXPECTATIONS. Setting reasonable expectations is one of the most important yet least understood while parenting or dealing with a child with special needs. We often complicate this by expecting something big out of the child. Punishing a child and acting harshly when he has hardly mastered the skill to control himself or feel safe is unfair.
Every morning, Rohan’s mom dreaded the battle that awaited — Rohan refusing to go to school.
Of course, he would and he did go to a school eventually!
All she needed was to identify the root cause of the problem and simmer down her expectations. Possibly the curriculum wasn’t specialized enough to meet his needs, and Rohan felt lost in a class of 40 students. Switching to a special school was the answer, instead of trying to fit him in this so-called ‘well-known’ school in the city.
I was contended to see how she managed to work on her expectations and finally got a glimpse of the REALITY.
Once the groundwork is done — Patience, acceptance, and expectation- we could move to INTERACTION and CONSISTENCY.
Rohan had a unique way of interacting. He would stream Peppa Pig’s videos for hours to the extent that he would ignore everything around him. I had to become a part of his fixations. I would watch videos, draw and paint Peppa pig, narrate stories and talk about it obsessively too.I interacted by becoming a part of his world, perhaps a safe haven rather than expecting him to become a part of my world. We were sharing the same cocoon now!
Have you heard the quote by Ignacio Estrada — ‘’If a child can’t learn the way we teach, maybe we should teach the way they learn”?
I couldn’t agree more with this at any point in time but during my interactions with Rohan.
How lovely would it be if we created a flexible environment for our students, which encourages flexibility, differentiation, and choice-driven experiences? The kids would merrily thrive in this space and get excited to be a part of it for sure.
Now that Rohan started connecting with me,I just had to be more CONSISTENT, be it the learning materials, drawing boundaries, planning or my continuous effort to build a stronger relationship with him.
You will see that a child could flourish when the therapist is consistent. Routines and daily schedules can be a game- changer for children with Autism. Rain or shine, hot or cold, don’t miss a day!
Now, he exactly knows what is expected out of my sessions!
Remember, there is always light at the end of the tunnel, and for me BUILDING A STRONG CONNECT has always been the light to help them navigate through the ups and downs of their condition. Now, when I look back, I don’t see it as 180 days of random chaos and struggle, but slow and steady progress towards a productive future!